Stage of fear

My feet were trembling can't believe I did such a big blunder. I used to spent my night hours preparing and in the morning rehearsing . My mirror proved to be my best friend in that situation. I tried my level best to visualize every single step that I would have taken. I knew I'll not be able to do it but peer pressure sometimes make you do wonders. I thought like that and motivated myself with each phrase that came in my mind. Atlast the day came when I have to put my best but my mind drifted off some where in past. I looked at the crowd which assembled around the stage. Most of the faces looked familiar and teachers started shouting instructions to the monitors. Most of the girls were busy gossiping about daily soap serials or new clothes they bought and boys were busy chit chatting about cricket match of yesterday. It felt like nobody was paying attention to the speech instead we (participants) are wasting our time presenting our ideas on political issues. And only one thing could grasp there attention when some body either fumbled or forgot there, part of speech and gave a gap of few seconds or minutes in between. I sat there on my chair waiting for my turn to come, still some part of me wanted to run away and hide some where. For a fifth grader it was a big thing to stand on stage. But continuous good grades and certificates of my elder brother inspired me to think beyond my imagination level and step out of my web. I knew I was knitted in there years ago when I failed to win the poem recitation competition but that regression couldn't stop me today. Sitting there I rehearsed it last time so that I will not fumble there. My turn was next, I shifted my gaze from the paper to the crowd than sighed and then motivated my nervousness to vanish away some where for an hour or so. While still panicked I glanced at the immortal mike standing still and waiting for each competitor to shout at him. So, atlast my name was announced. I passed my paper to my fellow competitor and stood up adjusting my tie. That four steps to reach the mike felt like four tiring miles. I started off like a train which strides slowly in the starting and then went off in the uniform speed. I did stop I guess twice but in all it went good. In the end swiftly I said thank you and left the hollow mike staring at me like he was really convinced today. I could hear students clapping and some of my friends shouting my name. I didn't get any prize for that competition but I got a participation certificate. It really didn't matter that day that I was unable to win any prize as my stage phobia, my phobia of facing the crowd, my phobia of mike, my phobia of all those things went away. It was really great because all those years I sat in the crowd and just clapped for the other students participating, never knew 
                            how it felt when you participated 
                            how it felt when people shouted your name 
                            how it felt when your name is announced on stage
                            how it felt when people think you are really worth coming on stage
                           how it felt when your fear of crowd is not there any more
Its been years now, I have participated in many debate, poem and speech competitions. By chance even won many but that first speech still refreshes in my memory sometimes. I guess I'll not be as good as my elder brother but still for me participation matters alot :) 

Stopped Caring anymore

You wanted to walk along with me

but my steps have turned into jumps,

they are higher and longer,

Pace will be faster and lighter,

Words will be lesser and complicated

Fear

Pushing yourself away from the cold wind sometimes you shield under the harsh leaves, they are cozy and warm. Makes you feel complete again. You just hold your breath to avoid the smell of danger that will come along.

Ma

Sipping coffee and trying to finish my last chapter, I looked around thinking she must have dozed off. But I guess she is more alert and ready to fight the world with me.

In a hope

I want to run away from my problems

In a hope, they will stop running after me

I stay awake whole night

In a hope, next day will be best ever

I stop my tears

In a hope, dad will be proud of me one day

END OF WORLD - Chapter II

Is somebody still alive?
Should I go to the next room and check it?
What if that is not a person and some wild animal?
What if the owner of the house is still alive and doesn't want me here?
What if there is a psycho in the next room and he attacks me?

End of the world- chapter I

I am playing with the ball which I found while climbing stairs. It was there I don't know for how long. It is stinky and completely smudged with dust. There are few portraits lying on the floor. Everything is covered with dust, there is one globe on the table but google map would have helped to locate where I am, better than this. I was so used to google, whatsapp, facebook never even bothered to study geography. For everything I used to rely on google even to sew a button I usually checked a video on youtube. Generally, I used to cross check what ever my teacher used to say on internet as I believed it more than even my friends. I have little scars on my face and little sun tan. My mother would scold me if I wouldn't take care of myself.

You made me STRONG

I was flipping over my old notes of Bachelors and came across these lines, which I wrote (I don't know when), but got hold over my old memories. When I used to write but because of some reason got out of practice :D. Though I changed few words here and there .......... hope you enjoy reading this.

Garden of EDEN

Inhaling the air, trying to breathe in every delectable aroma with it. Every day, passing through that same lane arose an eagerness to know, "What was it?"; that scent so sweet and pleasant. I cannot explain the longing, the essence, the harmony, the strength, and the insensate that made me suck in, more of it.

Borosil Platter with Ambrosial display

My thoughts turned to ambrosial display,
Its artful glance took my heart away;

Appealing Aroma can easily convey,

Whether I could stop or walk away.

If I could bite, swallow or touch,

I wouldn't stay away even an inch.

books and e-books

You helped my mother

become a better parent

you helped me learn

my first alphabet

You helped me write

my first poem

you helped me understand

the world around me

you made collection of words

make sense

you made chemistry reactions

so easy

you made English chapters

so interesting

you made history

go live

BANG BANG!!! It's your b'dae

Googly woogly woosh!!!!
It's your first b'dae in our place
I never knew
whether we could afford you

As your shiny surface
reflected your lavish interiors
your lights emphasized
on our hearts more than on road
your eye catchy features
brought a smile on every look
your safety record
forced us to trust you
your sound system 
added dance aroma
your great mileage
added miles to our journey

"YOU are just a burden for ME"

Accident took my legs
then too you loved me

but yesterday when you said,
" you are just a burden for me"

My soul turned upside down
I tried to run away from your allegations
but that horrified image of YOU
kept me captivated.

I never thought
sweet spoken words
will turn into thorns
heart melting eyes
will turn into despise

Unsaid

Hello....... I know I should be writing the posts frequently......... but I'll not start giving you lame excuses that "Sorry ....... I'm busy now days , So can't write", or "Exams were going",........ or anything like that because I know my healthy audience is disappointed ......... Then too I would say " For you all I'm again writing". :)

This Poem written below is for my feelings which I can't express and they dealt some where with in ME. 
JUST A SMALL ATTEMPT

I said yes

I was not comfortable sitting beside him in my room , I shifted little aside. He was wearing formals with black shoes, It felt like he started preparing for this day weeks ago. Instead of concentrating on his looks I shifted my gaze on my SECRET diary, on which I wrote every point which should be possessed by my Mr. Right.

Five minutes passed by neither of us started the conversation, I never reacted in this way with any stranger. 

to break the silence I said, "Would you like some more tea?". He nodded