Wednesday, 6 September 2017

Stage of fear

My feet were trembling can't believe I did such a big blunder. I used to spent my night hours preparing and in the morning rehearsing . My mirror proved to be my best friend in that situation. I tried my level best to visualize every single step that I would have taken. I knew I'll not be able to do it but peer pressure sometimes make you do wonders. I thought like that and motivated myself with each phrase that came in my mind. Atlast the day came when I have to put my best but my mind drifted off some where in past. I looked at the crowd which assembled around the stage. Most of the faces looked familiar and teachers started shouting instructions to the monitors. Most of the girls were busy gossiping about daily soap serials or new clothes they bought and boys were busy chit chatting about cricket match of yesterday. It felt like nobody was paying attention to the speech instead we (participants) are wasting our time presenting our ideas on political issues. And only one thing could grasp there attention when some body either fumbled or forgot there, part of speech and gave a gap of few seconds or minutes in between. I sat there on my chair waiting for my turn to come, still some part of me wanted to run away and hide some where. For a fifth grader it was a big thing to stand on stage. But continuous good grades and certificates of my elder brother inspired me to think beyond my imagination level and step out of my web. I knew I was knitted in there years ago when I failed to win the poem recitation competition but that regression couldn't stop me today. Sitting there I rehearsed it last time so that I will not fumble there. My turn was next, I shifted my gaze from the paper to the crowd than sighed and then motivated my nervousness to vanish away some where for an hour or so. While still panicked I glanced at the immortal mike standing still and waiting for each competitor to shout at him. So, atlast my name was announced. I passed my paper to my fellow competitor and stood up adjusting my tie. That four steps to reach the mike felt like four tiring miles. I started off like a train which strides slowly in the starting and then went off in the uniform speed. I did stop I guess twice but in all it went good. In the end swiftly I said thank you and left the hollow mike staring at me like he was really convinced today. I could hear students clapping and some of my friends shouting my name. I didn't get any prize for that competition but I got a participation certificate. It really didn't matter that day that I was unable to win any prize as my stage phobia, my phobia of facing the crowd, my phobia of mike, my phobia of all those things went away. It was really great because all those years I sat in the crowd and just clapped for the other students participating, never knew 
                            how it felt when you participated 
                            how it felt when people shouted your name 
                            how it felt when your name is announced on stage
                            how it felt when people think you are really worth coming on stage
                           how it felt when your fear of crowd is not there any more
Its been years now, I have participated in many debate, poem and speech competitions. By chance even won many but that first speech still refreshes in my memory sometimes. I guess I'll not be as good as my elder brother but still for me participation matters alot :) 

Friday, 21 July 2017

Stopped Caring anymore

Image result for girl walking away

You wanted to walk along with me
but my steps have turned into jumps,
they are higher and longer,
Pace will be faster and lighter,
Words will be lesser and complicated

Sunday, 7 May 2017


Pushing yourself away from the cold wind sometimes you shield under the harsh leaves, they are cozy and warm. Makes you feel complete again. You just hold your breath to avoid the smell of danger that will come along.

Tuesday, 10 January 2017


Sipping coffee and trying to finish my last chapter, I looked around thinking she must have dozed off. But I guess she is more alert and ready to fight the world with me.